A Good Girl’s History

On January 1, 2006, I gave up dating. That also meant no sex with others. Casual encounters weren’t my style. 2006 passed. So did all of 2007 and 2008. More than three years later, on the 88th day of 2009, something unexplainable happened. One by one, I took off all my clothes and let a man I’d met a week earlier eat my pussy. I came fast and hard, my body pulsating from the experience.

While we parted ways as friends a few weeks later, like the movie, Groundhog Day, I kept replaying the situation—over . . . and . . . over . . . and . . . over again. It was so damn hot. My body reacted as though I were in the moment.

Like a lightening rod, it hit me: “What the hell was I doing?” It was as clear as a full moon on a cloudless night: I was ready to re-enter the dating scene—and to welcome physical intimacy back into my life. So I re-activated an online dating account. Within three hours, my mailbox was flooded with messages. After a half century, was I really that desirable? In my 40s, I was lucky to get one message a month, if that. Typically from an undesirable guy in some podunk town.

For some unknown reason, I decided to bend the rules I’d clung to since my last divorce a decade earlier.

“What’s the big deal if the guy is 15 years younger?”

“Who cares if he hasn’t been single for at least a year after the end of his marriage?

“So what if he hasn’t filed for divorce yet?”

When Maestro entered my world, I thought I’d died and gone to heaven. Other than the fact that he’d been separated for more than a year from his wife, with no divorce in the works, he was perfect. My very own Jewish doctor. A year younger than me. When he read a sexual fantasy he’d crafted the first time we talked by phone, I was rendered speechless. But my body—oy vey.

At the end of one of our nightly calls, I nonchalantly mentioned that I assumed we’d have a monogamous sexual relationship. He passed over my comment. “Huh. I wonder what that’s all about.”

The next night, the answer was revealed to me in the 59th minute of a 60-minute call.

“I can’t be monogamous”

“What do you mean?,” I howled incredulously. “You’ve been monogamous in all your other relationships.”

“Yes, but I don’t want that now. I’ll explain at dinner tomorrow evening.”

I cried myself to sleep that night. Something seemed horribly wrong.

He explained all right. Over sushi, I heard the words, “swinging” and a desire to be active “in the lifestyle.” While I have a couple of graduate degrees, I’d no clue what he meant. But I continued to listen non-judgmentally and thought, “Maybe if I researched it on Google, it’ll all make sense.” The next day, I did just that. I read everything I could find—once, twice, even three times. The information wasn’t that easy to find—it was scattered all over the web. Along the way, I stumbled onto some amazing women sex bloggers: Violet Blue, Susie Bright, Chelsea G. Summers, and TBK. I was fascinated by what I was learning. In many ways, I felt like a kid in a candy store.

In the coming weeks, I made two decisions—both of which led me to you, the reader of this blog. I decided to dive head first into “the lifestyle.” And, I decided to open my kimono and write about my adventures in intimacy—beyond sex. After 51 years of being a “good girl,” I’d finally woken up to the possibilities of what could be.

I realized I could be “as bad as I wanna be.”

What about you? What possibilities lie ahead in your world? Come join me. Allow me to wake up the bad girl within you.

PROMISE ME…

In the spirit of full disclosure., Randi Buckmen isn’t my real name. I want to feel free to be open and honest when sharing my experiences while protecting those I love the most in life. Because I live alone and need to continue supporting myself financially with my “other” work, if you recognize me, I’d appreciate your help in keeping my real identity hidden. Pinkie swear with me, OK? And I promise not to tell anyone that you’re here on this site!

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Want to know more? Check out the archives, share my headphones, see what’s on my bookshelf, or send me a message. I love to hear from readers!

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